I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
