Where are you?
In a non slutty way
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
