You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
whose parrot is this?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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