I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
