My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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