Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
