nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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