He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
