just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize