thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
