I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
