you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
