So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
