So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
