You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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