is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No Iām scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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