He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
