I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
