I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You can't special order awesome
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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