Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
