I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
