I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
