my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
