I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
