it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
