I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
