I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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