Four minutes until I can fart!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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