That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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