so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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