i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
