Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
