You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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