phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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