you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
