i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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