Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
