FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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