I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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