I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
from now on my penis is your penis
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You've changed since you got that strap on
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
