Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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