I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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