How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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