Swine flu. Run for my life!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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