So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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