i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
