With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
