Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
