# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
