she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
