I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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