Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
