I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
