If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
