Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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