he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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