I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
