actually, I'm a sock model
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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