She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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