Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
