By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
