I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
