Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
