YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
