More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
