I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
