I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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