I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
