She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
