I'm lost and stupid without you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
