i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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