My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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