Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
