Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
