I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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