So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
