He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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