I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
